If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart. To become free of anger, one must learn how to forgive

Baba said to Purandhare, `If anybody comes and abuses you or punishes you, do not quarrel with him. If you cannot endure it, speak a simpleword or two or else leave the place. But do not battle with him andgive tit for tat. I feel sick and disgusted when you quarrel with others."

hurts

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart. To become free of anger, one must learn how to forgive

Baba said to Purandhare, `If anybody comes and abuses you or punishes you, do not quarrel with him. If you cannot endure it, speak a simpleword or two or else leave the place. But do not battle with him andgive tit for tat. I feel sick and disgusted when you quarrel with others."

steven covey

The 90/10 Principle by Stephen Covey

Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life.
What is the 90/10 Principle?
10% of life is made up of what happens to you.
90% of life is decided by how you react.

What does this mean?
We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us.
We cannot stop the car from breaking down.
The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off.
A driver may cut us off in traffic.
We have no control over this 10%.

The other 90% is different.
You determine the other 90%.
How? By your reaction.
You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction.
Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.
Let's use an example.
You are eating breakfast with your family.
Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt.
You have no control over what just what happened.
What happens when the next will be determined by how you react.
You curse.
You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over.
She breaks down in tears.
After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for
placing the cup too close to the edge of the table.
A short verbal battle follows.
You storm upstairs and change your shirt.
Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to
finish breakfast and get ready for school.
She misses the bus.
Your spouse must leave immediately for work.
You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school.
Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit.
After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at
school.
Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye.
After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase.
Your day has started terribly.
As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find a small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.

Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning.
Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is D.

You had no control over what happened with the coffee.
How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have and should have happened.
Coffee splashes over you.
Your daughter is about to cry.
You gently say, "It's ok honey, you just need, to be more careful next time."
Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs.
After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus.
She turns and waves.
You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff.
Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.

Notice the difference?
Two different scenarios.
Both started the same.
Both ended different.
Why? Because of how you REACTED.

You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens.
The other 90% was determined by your reaction.
Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle.
If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge.
Let the attack roll off like water on glass.
You don't have to let the negative comment affect you!
React properly and it will not ruin your day.
A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.
How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic?
Do you lose your temper?
Pound on the steering wheel?
A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off!
Do you curse?
Does your blood pressure skyrocket?
Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work?
Why let the cars ruin your drive?
Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.
You are told you lost your job.
Why lose sleep and get irritated?
It will work out.
Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.
The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day.
Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant?
She has no control over what is going on.
Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger.
Why get stressed out?
It will just make things worse.

Now you know the 90-10 principle.
Apply it and you will be amazed at the results.
You will lose no thing if you try it.

The 90-10 principle is incredible.
Very few know and apply this principle.
The result?
Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache.
There never seem to be a success in life.
Bad days follow bad days.
Terrible things seem to be constantly happening.
There is constant stress, lack of joy, and broken relationships.
Worry consumes time.
Anger breaks friendships and life seems dreary and is not enjoyed to the fullest.
Friends are lost.
Life is a bore and often seems cruel.
Does this describe you? If so, do not be discouraged.
You can be different!
Understand and apply the 90/10 principle.
It will change your life.

Anger Book

Chap 1

Anger starts with YOU.

Only YOU can make YOURSELF angry because YOUR thoughts direct YOU to angry feelings. Notice the word YOU appears four times in capitals in the introduction.

So, anger is when your tongue works faster than the mind.

Can you recall the number of times we have cursed the toaster, the car, the traffic lights and our own personal computer when it does not work?

It usually starts with the computer screen freezing, cursor not moving and we are unable to do anything but listen to the hum of the machine.

Some would usually start giving the monitor some slaps accompanied by expletives (cursing and swearing) in the hope it would 'wake up' and start working.

Naturally, the computer will not do as we scream at it. In fact, the problem seems only to worsen and it crashes more often!

Fortunately, getting angry at an inanimate object is not as bad as getting angry with people.
Unchecked anger spoils relationships as I have come to realise.

Some people have short fuses and explode at the slightest provocation. At times, I find myself bottling up anger and controlling this fuse in favour of keeping my relationship with the other person.

When facing angry people, I follow four simple rules.

• I never argue with angry person as I'm more likely to get angry myself and thus will not be persuasive.
• I do not interrupt the other as anger should be let to run its course.
• Stay loose. Listen patiently.
• Lastly, if things get from bad to worse, draw the line and walk away.

Angry thoughts are more often that not triggered when one has experienced a stressful day.

If you've been busy the whole day, try tensing and relaxing parts of your body as is often done in yoga and other exercises to release tension in the muscles.

Some distancing is needed for things to get better. Like the computer, while waiting for it to reboot, perhaps doing something else like making a drink or just taking a stroll will help you think better thoughts instead of focusing on your anger.

Doing good deeds like making the drink for a colleague or family member would make this easier.

It is important to stop irritating yourself or adding more fuel to your anger.

Ask yourself what is it that is annoying you?

Go within to review what made you angry. Re-examine the real reason behind the bad mood. And then, smile for a moment, focus on something else and shift your mind to happier memories.

The person who is the most critical of you is yourself. While no one is perfect, we can strive for perfection.There are situations where we have little control like getting caught in a traffic jam.

Control how you respond. Pulling your head or feeling stressed will not help anyone or anything, much less make traffic move faster.

Take a deep breath and tell yourself, "I'm cool, calm and relaxed." Sing along to the radio or take a look at your surroundings. Go within and observe what is bothering you!


Chap 2

ANGER IS NOT ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE, ANGER IS ABOUT YOU

Imagine yourself stuck in a traffic jam with horns blaring away all around you. Finally after two hours you managed to get home only to find your kids bawling away while your spouse is nagging at you.

There's no food on the table yet and you are hungry. Anger slowly wells inside you. You feel the temperature rising and soon things are going to get ugly.

YES! Anger is all about you. Although it can be triggered by various outside factors such as traffic jams, provocative conflict situations, domestic violence and nagging but ultimately anger start and ends with you.

Anger is an uncontrollable “fire” in the mind. As long as it rages within you, it will destroy your relationships, career, health and inner peace.

SO WHAT WENT WRONG WITH ME?

Now imagine your house is on fire. What is the first thought that crossed your mind? Is it to put out the fire first or to chase after the suspected arsonist?

If you run after the person you suspect has burned your house, your house will burn down while you are chasing him or her.

That is not wise. You must go back and put out the fire. So when you are angry, if you continue to interact with or argue with the other person or punish the person, you are acting exactly like someone who runs after the arsonist while everything goes up in flames.

Anger is like electricity. It is powerful and useful but only if it is used intelligently. If we abuse our anger and do and say things it can change our lives completely. So, we must learn to stop ourselves from acting in a moment of madness.

Anger is your own enemy. It cannot harm you but it can hurt the people around you. Personlly speaking, it is understandable that you will always try to win no matter what. If you win a quarrel, you will feel satisfied but what about the other party?

Will they be able to accept it being people themselves? The relationship is damaged and the other party will always keep that lasting impression of you as an angry disagreeable person.
So how can you control your anger when another person is annoying you?

HOW TO CONTROL ANGER

A Vietnamese monk living in France once said to his students:

“Embrace your anger with a lot of tenderness. Your anger is not your enemy; your anger is your baby. It’s like your stomach or your lungs. Every time you have some trouble in your lungs or stomach, you don’t think of throwing them away. The same is true with your anger. You accept your anger because you know you can take care of it; only then you can transform it into positive energy.”

• When angry withdraw from the place. It is always a good idea to retreat from whatever that is aggravating you. If you are feeling a surge of angry energy when faced with a difficult subject, walk away. Do not stay near the subject that has provoked you. When you have retreated move to the next step.
• Cool your emotion. Give yourself a moment to calm down. Take a deep breath. Hold it in for two seconds then let go. Repeat it until you feel composed.
• Drink a glass of cold water and sit quietly in a place. Let the coolness of the water course through your body while you shut yourself in from your surroundings that may distract you.
• Take a brisk walk for a mile to get over your anger. Treat walking as a therapy session. During your walk, think about the consequences if you lash back angrily at the person.
• Now think about the constructive alternative to solving your problem. Weigh them during your walk and reflect on it.
• Stand before a mirror and look at your face. Is it still stuck in an angry grimace? Are your eyebrows still furrowed or has a serene composure taken over?
  
  Have you heard of the half-life concept? It is a physics concept whereby an atom splits into two following a radioactive decay. The atom will continue splitting into 1/4 and then 1/8 and so on.
  The same applies to the energy created when you are angry with someone. The negative energy will dissipate but will never go away. It will be there within your system no matter how small it is.
  When the negative energy piles up it will present a lot of problem to one's health.
  o Anger and agitation gets the blood heated up.
  o It takes three months for the blood to cool down.
  o Within that period, the nervous system become weaker and even the blood cells get destroyed.
  o Weakness is aggravated and the memory power is reduced.
  o Old age sets in prematurely.
  
  By controlling anger you will be able to be more levelheaded, make better decisions and maintain more self-control. Guard your health by reducing the risks of blood pressure, cardiovascular disease and other stress-related illnesses like diabetes. Minus anger, you will have better relationships with others.

So go for the knockout blow and win the fight against anger. Cultivate unconditional love in the heart to eliminate anger. Nobody can live happily with anger.
The next time you are angry, tell yourself, “My dear anger, I know you are there and I am taking good care of you,” said the Vietnamese monk.

Chap 3

JOY OF FORGIVING

Throughout life people will make you mad. They will disrespect you and treat you badly.

Let God deal with the things they do because hate in your heart will consume you too -- lyrics from 'Just theTwo of Us' performed by Will Smith.

What happens when you don't forgive and carry that anger “baggage” with you?Anger, like other emotions, is accompanied by physiological andbiological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and bloodpressure goes up, as do the levels of your energy hormonesand adrenaline.

It can affect your health; as medical doctors and psychiatrists willtell you: "If you harbour anger, hatred, jealousy and animosity, youwill be more likely to be susceptible to heartburn, indigestion andhigh blood pressure."What happens when you forgive?Good thoughts bear good fruits, bad thoughts bear bad fruits."

Meditation and yoga gurus will tell you: "It will bring you joy and you will feel light hearted because you don't carry a heavy burden in your mind. Forgive with love in your heart.”

Just as we bathe and clean ourselves from the daily grime and dirt, we should cleanse our mind from negative thoughts. When you get rid negative of negative thoughts you will create moreroom for positive thoughts.

There is no greater wealth than a mind free of anger, jealousy, greed and other negative thoughts. Anger can be like powerful electricity that can do much destruction if not contained properly.

There are many ways to deal with anger.

• Counting from 1 to 10 and breathing calmly gives you time to relax.
• Talking it out can help resolve matters.
• Pouring out your feelings in writing helps diffuse the riling emotions in yourself.

When all else fails, and you are still angry, try to purge youraggression out by pounding on a pillow or a punching bag.

Physical exercises also are a good way to channel the negative energyinto good use.

A cold shower does wonders to suppress intense emotions including anger. Then it would be good for you to reflect on the reason behind your anger. Check on the thoughts that seem to trigger your fury and always remember to take time out.

Managing anger is important as it begins and ends with you. You maybe angry at your spouse or child, but eventually you become the victimof your own rage.

We can take a leaf out of the lessons learned by Robert Kiyosaki.(pix idea) Kiyosaki is a 59 year old personal finance guru who made millions through his "Rich Dad, Poor Dad " book series. He has been holding lucrative seminars around the world for more than 15 years now. Lessons he learned from both success and bankruptcy inspired him to become a "business educator", which sowed the seeds for his 1997 bestseller.

The book is a biographical account of learning about money from his "poor" father and a "rich" neighbour. Asian Wall Street Journal asked him how he kept his personal problem separate from work?

He responded: "Both my wife and I have a therapist -- our rule is, if we are upset with each other for more than 45 minutes, then I have to see my counselor, a sort of emotional coach to help get me through my anger. I don't think I'd be as successfully married if I didn't have someone else I could go talk to."

When asked, if he had any regrets, he said"I wouldn't change too much in my life. Not that I haven't made many mistakes, it's just that every mistake was valuable. The biggest, most humiliating experience was my bankruptcy. It was really tough to look at what was working and what was not working in my life."

This shows that Kiyosaki had contemplated his life and accepted the mistakes he made as life-learning lessons. He went within himself to relearn his mistakes, which is how he resolved the conflict within himself and surfaced triumphant.

Gautama Buddha in his great moment of meditation discovered the eightright-fold path in Buddhism.Under the bodhi tree in India 25 centuries ago, Buddha (pix idea)realized the three states of the mind that were the source of all our unhappiness: wrong-knowing, obsessive desire and anger.

All three are difficult to deal with, and anger is one of the most powerful that can ruin lives by promoting vengeance, keeping you trapped in a cycle of unhappiness. Not to forget, health and spiritual development can also be destroyed.

Chapter 4

A SLAVE TO ANGER

A man in shackles trudges slowly by. He walks with great difficulty because his legs are chained too and the chains are too short for comfort. That man's name is Anger and he is a slave. Your slave.

You may whip him as you wish. Kick him. Hit him. Because he is your slave.

But now the slave picks up the whip and he hits you instead. You cower in fear as Anger breaks free from his chains and pummel you repeatedly with his fists of fury. That is anger.
Slave to a slave.

Getting angry is like being a slave to a slave. Do you want to be a slave to your anger?

Many spiritual leaders and psychologists say that the root cause of anger is our "ego".
In modern-day society, ego has many meanings. It could mean one’s self-esteem; an inflated sense of self-worth; or in philosophical terms, one’s self.

However, according to Freud, the ego is the part of the mind which contains the consciousness. Originally, Freud had associated the word ego to meaning a sense of self; however, he later revised it to mean a set of psychic functions such as judgment, tolerance, reality-testing, control, planning, defense, synthesis of information, intellectual functioning, and memory.

It is similar with anger. Ego may make you angry which in turn will become the master and control you.

Slavery, which was abolished long ago, is bad enough. That is why it is incorrect to direct your anger towards another person. Some people turn to spirituality, meditation or religion to control their anger and find solace in it. Others read books and forget it the next day.

While there others who attend courses and forget two days later, inner happiness, which is the antidote to anger, can only be found within oneself. Patience, compassion and love for others will help people in understanding anger better.

When a person gets angry we say that he has lost his balance. The moment we begin to respect others as well as ourselves then we will be able to put into practice, "Treat others as how you would like to be treated."

Often we find that we always want to be in the right and the other party is wrong. This very view can wrought anger upon us.

Anger is also triggered when I exaggerate our difficulties. When this happens you will be sowing the seeds for anger to grow in yourself.

Therefore, when you face a problem, try to see the brighter side of it. When you harp on it, you will only make it worse. Instead, turn the problem into a lesson. Quit whining and change yourself for the better.

A guru once said, “Thinking of the mistakes of someone else, you can become angry. To face and resist a bad man you have to become even worse than him. So, be careful in pointing out the mistakes of others. If you point out the mistakes of others with one finger, three fingers point towards you.”

Statements that may provoke anger

Stop talking about my family

Why are you shouting at the children?

Money! Money! Money! We are always fighting about money

I want you to do it my way and not your way

Stop picking on me

I am not at fault

I am right, you are wrong

I am sick and tired of you of your nagging

Chapter 5

PRESIDENT WHO GOT CLAWED BY WIFE

The President of a leading nation stood before a press conference. While he was talking, the reporters noticed scratches around his neck above his collar.

Curious reporters soon after the press conference asked the press secretary what caused the bruises around his neck. The press secretary replied the President’s bruises occurred while he was shaving hurriedly to attend the press conference.

It was noticeable a series of vivid red crawled-like wound on his neck and face. The scratches were among unexplained cuts and bruises he had over the cause of his turbulent marriage.

Later as a reporter investigated further with the President’s office and security personnel, he was told that the First Lady had clawed him because he was seen with another woman the previous night.

This is a case of how the President’s wife vented her anger because she lost ‘cool’ of herself and decided to physically hurt her husband.

According to the Presidential staff, screaming, shouting, slamming doors were a norm for the First Lady. It was unfortunate the President had to take the brunt of his wife’s fury.

What has caused all this?
Anger.

This could be one of the main reasons the physical hurt and mental agony he had to live with. What provoked her to scratch or claw her husband is a case of her feeling insecure because the husband was unfaithful. It is ironical for one of the most powerful leaders in the world to be beaten up by his wife!

It is even more surprising the couple in their early fifties had lived through hair – trigger tempers for more than 20 years. The source of this ultimate suffering was because both parties were stuck to their point of views and lifestyle and never wanted to admit their mistakes, faults and weaknesses.

If the President appreciated his wife, she would be elated and smile from ear to ear. On the other hand if he noticed a fault with her, she became very insecure and abusive, lashing her tongue at the President.

Infidelity is the root cause and no wife will ever tolerate it! Why do people carry the pain of differences for so long?

It is understood that acceptance is better than distraction in dealing with pain. So what most couples do is to live with the anger instead of confronting it.

We end up seeing couples not talking to each other and doing things to spite each other off even when they still live together. And, this could ruin the entire relationship past a point of no return and hurt loved ones who are not involved directly.

What makes a relationship work?

• Don’t settle scores with others
• Talk it out with your partner
• Creating harmony in the family helps
• Learn to be a good finder and not a fault-finder
• Do not force your opinion on your partner.
• Focus on togetherness and not difference

Anger is a natural human emotion and is nature’s way of our perception of an attack or threat to our well being. The problem is not anger; the problem is the mismanagement of anger.

Mismanaged anger and rage is the major cause of conflict in our personal and professional relationships. Domestic abuse, road rage, workplace violence, divorce, and addiction are just a few examples of what happens when anger is mismanaged.

Anger is driving her, says expert article from The Malay Mail, April 7, 2008

RENOWNED psychiatrist Tan Sri M. Mahadevan classified Sufiah Yusof as someone who may be intellectually mature but not so on the emotional level. He said Sufiah "grew up too fast" with her unusual talent. But unfortunately, her life was too controlled by her father. Now at 23, she is completely different emotionally from others her age.
Sufiah's life was all about studying and achieving the best grades possible; and it paid off with her entry into Oxford University at age of 13. "That's definitely something to be proud of, but we don't know if that's what Sufiah had always wanted or was pressured into," he said.
Mahadevan believed that the unsavoury occupation Sufiah has chosen to venture into was not to seek money; it was more to spite her family. "When she was younger, she was unable to fight. So, as soon as she got the chance, she found something through which she could let out her pent-up frustration."
"People can only see what is in the open, no one knows what had happened between Sufiah and her father that resulted in such loathing," he said. "She was suffering from aggression that Led to depression, and finally found the means to let it out," he said.
There is also a possibility that she was frustrated with her mother too, for not being able see what was going on. He described Sufiah's character disorder is being akin to a moral insanity she had endured all her life. To make things worse, the sentencing of her father to 18 months jail at Coventry Crown Court for sexually assaulting two 15-year-old girls when he was home tutoring them may have been the final nail in the coffin.

Chapter 6

DIVORCE…DECISION…DESTRUCTION

A wife gets angry with the unfaithful husband and it results in a divorce. A multi millionaire husband gets angry in a board meeting, makes a wrong decision and losses a fortune. Their son gets angry with his sister and breaks her toys.

Every action ends up in a negative behaviour and the children have learned how to be angry like their parents. Anger can be experienced several different ways. You can feel angry with yourself for not having done well in the examination, or you can get angry with someone else or an object like your slippers, which made you fall down.

Whether you trip over a carpet or get angry with the shopkeeper, spouse or boyfriend it is anger caused by external circumstances or interaction with another person. Internal anger is directed at yourself for something that you have done yourself and blame yourself for causing it.

Anger is one of the most destructive emotions prevalent among human beings. When a person is in a state of anger or rage, he or she can unleash behaviour that can be aggressive or violent, and it is this that leads to destruction.

The next time you get angry look at your face in the mirror. Can you imagine how you would look ? You can be rest assured you are not the most beautiful person when you get angry because the cells and muscles on our face become tense and you are not presentable. Your face is like a bomb that is about to explode.

Try and objectively observe another person when he she or gets angry. When you see yourself all tensed up, you have a choice to change your character of getting angry or not getting worked by anger.

Think of it ... unchecked anger corrodes relationships. Some people have short fuses and explode at the slightest provocation. Others try to bottle up their rage, usually without success.

MANAGE ANGER : GO WITHIN

By choosing to manage your anger, you will be able to observe mindfully the painful circumstances that make you angry, and make an effort to change. As only you can observe the changes within your mind's eye, your personal effort can help in altering anger (negative energy) to being happy (positive energy).

Internalise, for a moment: "So, if I lose my cool I get angry. Your choice to get angry or not puts the responsibility for emotions squarely on your own shoulders. So, I don't be a prisoner and slave to my emotions."

One way to overcome anger is to write a journal. This is done with the INTENTION of finding a solution for the problem and COMMITTING yourself to finding it. It's no use keeping an anger journal for five years and keep getting angry the moment someone drops a glass.

Anger, unchecked corrodes relationships. Some people have short fuses and explode at the slightest provocation. Others try to bottle up their rage, usually without success. While there are others who attend courses and forget two days later.

Inner happiness, which is the antidote to anger, can only be found within oneself. Patience, compassion and love for others suffering will help people in understanding anger better.

From anger comes delusion, according to the ancient Vedas. A person in a state of anger does not think properly. That person's mind is carried away by the emotion of anger and such a one cannot see the consequences of his or her action. In this way delusion arises.

From delusion, loss of memory, from loss of memory the destruction of discrimination, and from destruction of discrimination one perishes.

Chapter 7

EXPRESSING ANGER

As we reflect at our workplace, we must take charge of ourselves and learn how to quit anger. Think about your priority, what is it that you want to accomplish next in your career, and what it will take to do that and if quitting anger will help, why not take this path. Whatever we do in our lives it is our choice, and the choices we make.

In the case of an employee who keeps griping about the bosses and the company decides: “I will lose out on my promotions and bonuses if I fight the management and the best thing to do for my career development is to work along with my bosses.” So the employee will do his best work in spite of his differences with his boss.

Some other ways of dealing with anger is to jog our memory on the source of the anger. If your angry feeling are directed at yourself and you are angry with yourself about something, try to express those feelings to a friend, a colleague or a counselor. Get it off your chest.

If you chose a non-productive way of dealing with anger you would end up bottling it up and hurting yourself emotionally. Sandbagging or keeping the angry feelings to yourself means to avoiding the person who made you angry and sidestepping the issue.

It happens when you fear hurting someone else's feelings and resort to hurting yourself. They may resent it if you express your feelings to them. So, stop talking and try listening.
We know that many people suffer, feeling that no one is able to understand them or their situation.

Everyone is too busy and no one seems to have the capacity to listen. But all of us need someone who can listen to us.
Deep listening, compassionate listening is not listening with the purpose of anlaysing or even uncovering what has happened in the past. You listen first of all in order to give other person relief, a chance to speak out, to feel that someone finally understands him.

Compassion is the antidote for anger and bitterness. If you keep compassion in you while listening, then anger and irritation cannot arise. Otherwise the things he says, the things she says will touch off your irritation, anger and suffering. Compassion alone can protect your from becoming angry or full of despair.
Confusion and ignorane make us think that we are the only ones who suffer. We believe that otherts do not suffer
.....extract ANGER Thich Nhat Hanh, author of Living Buddha, Living Christ
· Demonstrate empathy: Your employee needs to know that you are concerned with his currents productivity problem and want to help resolve it. By approaching him with understanding, you will help him open up to you. He will also feel more optimistic about solving the problem if he knows that he has your support.
· Listen more than you talk: During a counselling session, it is important that you providmore listening than talking. He will appreciate talking to someone who is willing to listen to his situation.

· Encourage listening: Everyone involved in the resolution of a conflict should listen to one an other in order to understand each other’s point of view and seasoning. Those involved will never be able to agree on a suitable resolution unless they are aware of and appreciate the other’s person’s viewpoint. Listening will also expedite the conflict resolution process and enable the employees involved to focus on developing a solution that is acceptable to everyone.

· Identify common goals: One of the most effective ways to resolve a conflict is to identify common goals your employees share. When they see that their efforts are directed towards achieving the same goal, it will be easier to motivate them towards reaching a mutually beneficial solution.

e your staff member plenty of opportunities to express his feeling. Generally, you should do

HEART RATE AND BLOOD PRESSURE

participatory journalism

Participatory Journalism

Puts the Reader in the Driver's SeatJ.D. Lasica, OJR Senior Editor Posted: 2003-08-07Over the past few years, the outlines of a new form of journalism have begun to emerge. Call it participatory journalism or one of its kindred names -- open-source journalism, personal media, grassroots reporting -- but everyone from individuals to online newspapers has begun to take notice."It's about readers participating in the editorial process, and it's long overdue," says Dan Gillmor, a blogger and technology columnist for the San Jose Mercury News, who is writing a book on the subject called "Making the News." "People at the edges of the network are getting a chance to become more involved in traditional journalism by using many of the same tools of the trade. This is tomorrow's journalism, with professionals and gifted amateurs as partners."Gillmor put his credo in action by publishing his book outline online and asking his readers to react and contribute to it.A new report on participatory journalism by New Directions for News concludes: "Journalism finds itself at a rare moment in history where ... its hegemony as gatekeeper of the news is threatened by not just new technology and competitors but, potentially, by the audience it serves."Armed with easy-to-use Web publishing tools, always-on connections and increasingly powerful mobile devices, the online audience has the means to become an active participant in the creation and dissemination of news and information." (Disclaimer: The writer of this article edited the NDN report).Today, you can see glimmers of participatory journalism seeping into online news sites. The new media managers at the Santa Fe New Mexican have been won over by the idea and hope to broaden the various forms of reader participation on the newspaper?s Web site."We'd like to drastically increase the site's interactivity and the amount of reader contributions," says Stefan Dill, who became the New Mexican's Web editor a year ago. "We just marvel at what OhmyNews has done."OhmyNews is South Korea?s most influential news site. With a daily readership of 2 million, it is a collaborative media outlet staffed by professional journalists and a nationwide army of 26,000 citizen journalists.For now, Dill and Web publisher Michael Odza are spearheading an internal study group seeking ways to make the online edition more user-friendly. Santa Fe would appear to be a perfect laboratory for expanding the role of readers in the site's content, Dill says, because of its diverse, educated and politically active population. The daily paper has a circulation of 24,000 while the Web site pulls in 100,000 unique visitors per month. (Besides Odza and Dill, the Web team has only two production assistants and a sales representative.)Future initiatives aside, Dill points to elements of reader content that have already appeared on the site. A section called CityDifferentNews invites readers to share personal and community news. The site publishes a section devoted to photos submitted by readers. A new section being developed will invite comments from people who were eyewitnesses to key local historical events. And starting July 16, the paper began publishing a Fire Log -- a collection of reports from the scene of a major wildfire written by readers who were affected.The New Mexican views the Fire Log as particularly successful. Recounts Dill: "When comments on the regular fire stories started to show reader frustration between the Forest Service press releases and the actual amount of smoke and asthma they were experiencing, we invited people to report conditions, experiences, health conditions, fire visibility, etc., in their specific areas. Many people did so, posting information that was very different from what was being officially passed down."This struck us as a successful microcosm of an OhmyNews dynamic in action," he says. What resonated with the editors was that users were treating the reader postings as legitimate sources of news. No other fire story during the week ranked in the top 10, but the Fire Log finished consistently among the site?s top 10 stories.Other online publications have taken to inviting reader contributions. The Dallas Morning News posted photos of space shuttle debris submitted by readers. The BBC News posted a photo gallery of antiwar protestors taken by readers, and has a standing "Taken a Good Picture Lately?" photo essay feature that uses photos e-mailed in by readers around the globe. BBC's instructions to participating readers state that if submitted photos are newsy enough, they "may be used immediately within a picture gallery or story."One news station in Japan recently aired live coverage of a massive fatal accident from a citizen-reporter -- a trucker who happened to have his video-enabled cell phone with him, and e-mailed video of the wreck to the station with his phone. (For a breakdown of the different kinds of participatory journalism, see accompanying story.)Journalism experts predict more coverage of breaking news will come from citizen reporters as photo and video-enabled phones become more ubiquitous worldwide."The truth is that most people are not witnesses to news most days," said Jeff Jarvis, a seasoned journalist who is author of the blog Buzzmachine.com and president and creative director of Advance.net, the Internet arm of Advance Publications."But on that occasion when big news happens, the odds are better and better that witnesses who are there will now have the tools to capture and share images and news."'Thin' is in: Citizens take up journalism?s toolsMany examples of participatory journalism have taken place outside the sphere of traditional media. Individuals who once would have shied away from describing what they do as journalism are increasingly trying on the term and concluding that, yes, they?re quite capable of providing credible news without any help from big media.Community news sites published by amateurs are storming the suburbs. And many other independent publishers are now doing more than commenting on news reported by mainstream press -- they're doing original research, interviewing sources and posting original content.Such examples of small-scale, independent publishing are sometimes called "thin media" -- small operations focused on niche news, information and advice not normally found in mainstream media.Niche news sites, Weblogs, discussion groups and mailing lists are all growing sources of thin media. Some do journalism, some just post commentary and link to stories done by mainstream media. Examples include the one-person publications Gawker, Gizmodo and IWantMedia, Jay Small's Sensible Internet Design newsletter, and the mailing lists run by Dave Farber and Declan McCullagh.The New Directions for News report says of this phenomenon: "Everyone on the Internet is a potential expert on some subject -- from Pez dispensers to digital photography techniques to wormholes -- and these participatory forms are great places to find and share not only obscure or rare information, but commentary that might be too controversial for mainstream media."One of those niche publishers is Sheila Spencer Stover of Bunn, N.C., whose Indian name is Firehair Shining Spirit. She runs the Internet Native News and Issues List, a mailing list with 400 members, mostly native Americans. (It has no Web site. Those interested in joining may e-mail her at ItsShngsprt2@aol.com.)During the week of July 14, her mailing list picked up in intensity as members began contributing news and reporting on a raid conducted by Rhode Island State Police on the Narragansett Smoke Shop. The shop, frequented by Rhode Islanders to avoid the state's hefty cigarette tax, is on tribal land in Charlestown, R.I. -- land that the Narragansett regard as sovereign, given their status as a federally recognized tribe.During the raid, state police officers pinned Indians to the ground while German shepherds nipped at their clothing. In the end, eight people were hospitalized and seven tribal members arrested. The smoke shop remains closed.Firehair sent an e-mail to the governor of Rhode Island, copying it to her list members as well, citing federal laws that require authorities to deal with sovereign Indian tribes through the federal court system rather than through state or local law enforcement."The actions taken by the state police were illegal, but that didn't get a lot of press," she said in a phone interview. "If the people being attacked had been Asian or blacks or Hispanic, it would have been all over the news. But it was just Indians being assaulted on their own land, so here we are again."A 67-year-old single mother (she has two adopted children of Mayan background), Firehair has fair skin, blue eyes and red hair. She is a member of the Delaware/Minisink Band and counts Narragansett Indians among her ancestors. Her mailing list buzzed with activity on the days following the altercation.One member reported that Indians from 100 tribes around the nation were heading to Rhode Island to lend their support. Another reported that construction workers in Coventry, R.I., taped turkey feathers to their hard hats in a "crude but effective" show of support for the Indians. Others chimed in with legal commentary and offers of support for the Narragansetts.Firehair began her mailing list seven years ago after being censored on a list run by the Seneca Indians. "I try to steer my list to what?s going on in Indian country," she says, adding that she allows free-ranging discussion and doesn't squash views she doesn?t share."Our members talk about prison rights, religious freedom, the selling of spirituality, the repatriation of bones, the stockpiling of native artifacts in museums stolen out of grave sites, building on sacred lands, the reclaiming of languages, elder health, Alaskan natives afflicted by gas-sniffing, suicide on reservations, issues with Indian trust monies, the Pipestone project in Montana, where they want to build a theme park on sacred land -- we exchange news about anything and everything," she says.Firehair says she spends three to four hours a day on the computer managing her mailing list. "Indians across the continent really weren't aware of what was going on with other tribes until we began using the Internet to communicate with each other," she says. "I want everybody to have access to all the news. The dominant culture ignores the issues that are important to us."How often do you see news from Indian country covered in the media, in newspapers, or on 'Oprah'? And yet 50 percent of the Indian population lives in urban areas and in mixed communities. Our children need to be educated about our own history."A turbulent ride aheadRedPaper, a three-week-old enterprise that bills itself as a "collaborative newspaper," says it "gives everyone the ability to be a reporter, have your own column, post articles, name your story price, and sell your work to millions of potential readers around the world."As an experimental marketplace for information, the site allows people to publish and sell their writing, ranging from muffin recipes and car maintenance tips to poetry and short fiction. Some enterprising citizen-reporters brought together court documents in the Kobe Bryant case and are offering them to readers at $2 per download.Another brand of thin media involves initiatives with a limited life span.The founders of Metafilter and Kuro5hin plan to launch an independent news site this fall to track the 2004 presidential campaign. Matt Haughey and Rusty Foster, the programmers behind those two collaborative media sites, will create a "smart mob-style site" to provide a place for independent reporting about next year's election.The site, still in development, will consist of three elements, Haughey says: a section devoted to Weblog-style entries about daily campaign events; a second area for first-person campaign coverage, including digital photos, phonecam shots, audio and video clips and interview transcripts; and finally news stories building on the first two sections. Readers will be allowed to edit and rewrite stories.All of this begs the question: Will forms of participatory journalism and traditional journalism complement each other, or collide head on? It may be a bit of both."It's difficult to figure out where all this is going to wind up," Gillmor says. "Journalism from the edges is taking us to a new place. The only thing certain is that we'll never return to the days when people are treated as passive vessels for content delivered by big media through one-way pipes -- no matter how disruptive these changes may be for traditional media."We're in for a fascinating ride."

Malaysian journalists play role in Hindi movieKUALA LUMPUR: Malaysian journalists will be featured in a media “ambush” scene in Bollywood movie Don, which is being filmed here.About 10 reporters from the Indian and local television networks and The Star, ambush actor Om Puri, who plays an Interpol officer from India, in the movie.In the scene, he is in Malaysia to work with the local police and the Anti-Narcotics Department, seeking their assistance to arrest Indian underworld kingpins involved in the drug-smuggling trade.The Star's chief reporter M. Krishnamoorthy and photographer S.S. Kanesan took part in the ambush press conference, in which reporters asked questions about the whereabouts of a drug kingpin who had escaped police custody.IN ACTION: Krishnamoorthy (right) is among the Malaysian journalists who ambush Om Puri in the Hindi movie Don which is being filmed here.Bollywood thespian Om Puri, 55, has appeared in 180 movies, and played major roles in English movies City of Joy and East is East.Most of Don's scenes are shot in Malaysia, with shooting also taking place in Paris and India. The movie is a remake of the 1978 blockbuster Don, which starred Bollywood icon Amitabh Bachchan

smile when angry
Smile when AngryAn easy way to fight anger.Ah, anger. Something we are all aware of, something we are familiar with and even experience on a daily basis. As in everything else we say or do, anger becomes a habit when we lose control and give it permission to come out in a torrent of words and even action.Only one reason for this ~ we don't realize that, like everything else, we need to control anger and not let it control us and give us cause to repent at leisure!Everything seems to suggest that anger is bad. Invariably we ourselves feel terrible after losing control and saying and doing things we regret and feel embarrassed about when we cool down and have had time to think.Okay, let's think. Isn't it true that there is a time and place for everything? There is reason for everything -- physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Nothing is useless. What may not be useful to one person is not necessarily so for another.When we consider our own physical, mental and emotional make-up nothing is superfluous. Doctors may say our tonsils and appendix serve no real purpose and taking them out is not life threatening.But tonsils get swollen when we have an infection so they serve as a first line of defense and warning that all is not physically well with us. The appendix serves as a receptacle for what the body rejects.MIND CONTROLThe physical brain is the center for sending impulses throughout our body at the command of our mind which shapes our perceptions and our will to deal with the dictates of our senses.If our mind is able to control our senses well and good but if it is the other way round - the senses control the mind - we are in trouble. It is our experience that there is no end to satisfying our senses and only the mind can save us.But the mind has to rely on intelligence, shaped by knowledge and our capacity to learn, if it is work well.When it comes to emotions, we as humans have them to bind or separate us. There are positive and negative emotions - love, hate, compassion, envy, joy, disappointment and lots more.It is ours to decide what we want to do with them just as the physical world is there for us to